Breathe No More

No, I don’t have one. But I did experience anxiety. Who hasn’t, anyway?

The few moments before my vocal solo pop singing contest during the Literary-Musical competition of the Nursing Fun Days 2008 was one of the most anxious times of my life so far. Backstage, I was restless, my hands were shaking, I was walking back and forth all over the place, I was laughing at whatever, I was stuttering, my extremities were tingling, and I was breathing really deeply. I was worrying so much about what I’d do once I go out there and sing. Because, first off, I kept on forgetting some of the lyrics. Second, I wasn’t sure if I could reach the highest notes (you know, the “baby, baby” part) without making mistakes, because so far, all my practices were imperfect. I had made mistakes every practice session. Third, it seemed as if there was a lot of pressure on me, considering the fact that I won the vocal duet contests with Ena last year, both on the Nursing Fun Days 2007 and the University Week 2008. Therefore, there were a lot of expectations on me. And I kinda pressured myself to meet them. The pressure was on.

Anxiety totally overcame me backstage.

Nursing interventions?

• Friends. Ena Faye, who was constantly giving me emotional support and praying with me; and Aiza, who was assuring me that I was going to give a good performance.
• Phone calls. My mom couldn’t leave the office back home; she wasn’t able to watch me perform. But she was calling me every now and then, telling me to calm down, to pray, to breathe and prepare for the high notes and difficult parts of the song, and to perform as if I was Celine Dion. She also told me that it was just a contest, not the end of the world. And then, surprisingly Daddy was able to get there just in time to watch my performance and call mommy so that she could hear my singing through that phone call.
• Deep breathing. It helped me relax!
• Prayer. I totally needed God. The thought that He’ll guide me through it, that He will not put me to shame, that He gave me this talent and that I sing to give Him back the glory - those calmed my heart.
• The cheer of the crowd. The support from the audience was overwhelming. It boosted my confidence so that I was able to give it my best shot. From up there I saw Aiza with a big smile on her face.
• The I-can-do-it attitude. In times like that, believing in yourself makes a lot of difference. There was no turning back. I had to go out there and sing.

And that was it. I went out there and performed as well as I could. All-out stage presence and singing at the top of my lungs. Which resulted to one blooper episode - naka sab-it ang mini skirt ko sa wire sang microphone. And I only found out after the performance. I never would’ve known that it happened onstage if I didn’t see the video in my digicam. Argh… But I was still happy though because instead of committing mistakes on the high notes of the song, that was the only embarrassing thing that happened to me. It was less humiliating, kesa sa maglibag ko or mag piyok. Di ba? Haha!

Effective coping? I guess, yeah. Anxious moments were over at last. Goal met.